Even Warrior Goddesses' Need Their Beauty Rest
by batman100
Summary: While Sif recuperates from a tranq dart, Iron Man, Banner and Maria Hill debate over the Doors which turns into a silly situation
1. Chapter 1

**Even Warrior Goddesses' Need Their Beauty Rest**

"Just a typical day at work, huh?" Hawkeye asked his partner and lover Natasha Romanoff as they and their Avengers co-workers raced through the war-torn woodlands of Nova Scotia, Canada; apparently they were running from a group of mercenaries hired by local mob boss the Kingpin.

"Stand tight guys. I'll try to divert them." Sif, the Warrior Goddess of Asgard noted as she swooped down and took out two hit men with ease and precision

"Show-off." Iron Man grunted sarcastically, before seeing a thug aim a tranquilizer gun at Sif

"Uh, Point Break? Problem." Iron Man hollered to Thor, God of Thunder who charged, only for the dart to be reversed by the Scarlet Witch to gently prick Sif and for her to safely land in the Incredible Hulk's waiting arms

"She'll be ok. She's only resting." Hulk replied as Sif snored lightly as Thor breathed a sigh of relief before finishing off the rest of the thugs

"That does it for here. Let's head back to base." Captain America ordered as they followed suit, while Hulk gently carried Sif to their safe house in the wintery parts of British Columbia

Later that morning…

"Funny. I expected these tranquilizer darts to lose effect after a matter of ten to fifteen seconds. I've never seen anything like it." Erik Selvig noted curiously as he examined a sample of the sleep-inducing dart that struck Sif while the Avengers watched the monitor while Thor and SHIELD co-director Maria Hill kept watch on Sif as the beautiful fighter slept peacefully

"She's like a sister to you, right?" Maria asked as Thor gently stroked Sif's hair

"We grew up together in Asgard. I was as close to her like my brother." Thor added as Sif started snoring again

"Uh…this may seem odd…but have you considered marrying her?" Maria asked, with a half-nervous, half-goofy look on her face

Thor just stared before bursting into amused laughter. "Marriage? Don't be silly. She's only eighteen years of age, for goodness sakes!" He chuckled, amused by the thought as Maria tried hard not to laugh, only to laugh uproariously, having finally developed a sense of humor

"Since when did *she* start acting like *you*?" Quicksilver asked Stark, obviously confused by the wild behavior between his Avengers teammate and his liaison

"Eh, you know. Girls just want to have fun." Stark responded, with more of his famous one-liners

Cap had that proud grin again after hearing that girls just want to have fun quote and piped up "I understood that reference."

"You listen to eighties music?" Sharon Carter asked

"Yep. Huge fan. Starship, Billy Joel, the Doors…" Cap listed before Maria joined in, having heard mention of the Doors

"Ooh! I love the Doors! I even have a poster of Jim Morrison!" Maria replied with a nostalgic look

"Riders on the Storm. Best song by them ever." Banner noted

"You kidding? Light my Fire is the best one, flat out!" Cap remarked

"Easy boys, easy! They're both awesome!" Maria chimed in, as tie-breaker

"Hmmm, so much for that Celebrating Retro Music festival last week." Nick Fury groaned as he and Selvig watched the scene

"To be fair…I do enjoy Barenaked Ladies." Selvig whispered

Fury looked at him with a strange look "Say *what*?" He asked astonished

"No, no,no! Not *that*! I meant the Canadian rock band!" Selvig corrected

"Ohhh…I get it." Fury noted, with a nostalgic grin "Walk like an Egyptian?"

"I thought you never ask." Selvig grinned as he placed the CD into the SHIELD boombox

"Like I was saying, Jim Morrison is by far the best rock/psychedelic singer flat out!" Maria noted before Sif entered

"Did I miss anything?" She replied yawning

"No. Just some music from the sixties." Thor replied

Sif nodded then headed for the soda machine humming Riders on the Storm

"I knew it." Stark whispered


	2. Chapter 2

**So Much for Peace and Quiet…**

Maria Hill was comfortably snoozing on her bed in her cabin on the SHIELD Helicarrier when a loud knock on the door was heard

"Five more minutes…" Maria mumbled in her sleep, rolling over and was about to snore before the knock grew louder

"All right! Can't I at least have a nap for crying out loud!" Maria barked sleepily, opening the door only for Hawkeye and Captain America barge in

"Maria, we need you to settle a debate: Who's the best video game hero: Link from Zelda or Duke Nukem?" Hawkeye asked as he and Captain America argued senselessly

"WHAT? You two crazies woke me up from my afternoon beauty nap, only for me to play tie-breaker over a silly argument over video games?!" Maria snapped in annoyance

"So…who do you think is the best looking video game *female*?" Cap asked with a goofy look

"I dunno Cap, I'm gonna have to go with Princess Zelda, for shizzle." Hawkeye commented, with that dreamy look over his face

"GO WITH WHO NOW?!" Black Widow shrieked, having heard Hawkeye's fantasy while he, Cap and Maria stared with wide eyes

"Ugh…just when I was dreaming about flying with Stark over the Bahamas." Maria groaned, before grabbing her SHIELD anesthesia mask

"Clinton Barton, how in the *hell* could you choose some tech-bit video game elf thingy over *ME*?!" Black Widow ranted as Hawkeye watched, looking pale

"Um…can we talk about this later?" Hawkeye whimpered

"Would you guys talk this over at the bridge please? Now…all of you…let me SLEEP!" Maria grouched, shooing the three out in a huff before succumbing to the anesthesia

"Uh, Hill? You're looking kinda woozy there. Uh Maria?" Cap asked, snapping his fingers as Maria stared back at him, hypnotic and almost half-asleep

"Little…dust rodents…So…squishy." Maria groaned before snoring and toppling over both Hawkeye and a distracted Banner

"Oof! What'd I miss? Was it the video game debate thing again?" Banner asked before seeing the reaction of Cap and Black Widow "What?"

Later that evening…

"Well good news: the anesthesia wore off." Banner announced as Cap, Stark, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch and Sif were gathered while Maria slept on the exam room couch

"…What's the bad news?" Stark asked, half-curious, half-amused

"Well…the anesthesia *is* off, but the *effects* are not, so…" Banner noted

"…So Hill's in a sleep mode until the effects of the gas wear off?" Thor politely finished. Banner gave a nod of approval

"And all this over a silly debate over video games?" Quicksilver asked, rather puzzled by this turn of events

"My vote's still on Princess Zelda." Hawkeye joked before Black Widow signaled him to shush

"So…here's the plan: Stark, you take over for Hill. Thor, you, Sif, Natasha and Banner take turns guarding Hill. Quicksilver, you, Wanda and Selvig work on a way to reverse the anesthetic gas. I'll be in contact with Coulson on further updates." Cap ordered, with the Avengers nodding in agreement

"So be it." Thor noted

Later…

"It's been forty-five minutes or so, and all Hill's been doing is some tossing and turning, snoring, some sleep talking, and some groaning." Black Widow noted on her recorder as Sif, Thor and Banner watched Maria closely, checking for signs of infection

"So far so good. No concussions, her vertebrae seems to be stable." Banner noted, checking Maria's back

"What are you doing?" Black Widow asked curiously

"Oh just running an autopsy. Now if we connect the medulla to the migross brain…" Banner babbled as Black Widow, Sif and Thor watched in utter confusion

"I've seen stuff like this on Asgard before…but *this* is ridiculous." Sif commented

"Tell me about. Thor, how many times did I say we are running a covert operations ship and *not* a mobile morgue?" Black Widow asked sarcastically as Sif's eyes bugged out at the mention of morgue

"Morgue?!" Sif shrieked before leaping on top of Cap, shivering hysterically, spewing nonsense

"Sif…what in the heck's gotten into *you*?" Cap asked, grunting to steady himself due to Sif's skinny but hard position

"Why did I just walk into a bizarre recreation of Cirque du Solei?" Fury asked sarcastically as he and Selvig watched in confusion and amusement as Cap was struggling to untach Sif off of his costume, Banner spewing out technobabble, Thor and Black Widow rocking to music from Bruce Springsteen, Stark observing Thor and Black Widow on Maria's desk while munching on chips with Hawkeye, jamming to the music and Maria herself conveniently snoozing, particularly droning out all the chaos around her due to her snoring

"Eh, who gives a hoot, Director? Wanna get a Heineken?" Selvig proposed, holding a Heineken bottle

"You read my mind." Fury chuckled, chugging a bottle of Guinness and Heineken at the same time

"…Now if we transform the medulla with the corresponding midbrain, we then converse with the tibia section to elope with the cerebellum, thus impregnating the cerebral cortex…" Banner lectured, using medical sheets to translate his knowledge of Maria's body as Thor, Sif and Black Widow were snoring in boredom over the silly lecture

"What the heck is Banner even *doing*?" Coulson asked, particularly aghast at Banner's mock medical school lecture as Stark and Hawkeye watched in amusement

"Trust me Phil…you *don't* wanna know." Hawkeye responded before handing Coulson a chip "Doritos?" He asked

"Why not?" Coulson answered, grinning before sitting down as Stark handed him a large bowl of Doritos

"…So the cerebellum then merges with the mid brain, before eloping again with the cerebral cortex, before mating with the esophagus, which is engaged to the medulla, you mix it all and the cerebellum gives asexual reproductive birth to two twin medullas, while the cerebral cortex has asexual reproductive birth of triplet cerebellums." Banner concluded, having finished his bizarre science lecture, and conveniently as Maria started to stir

"Ugh….Mom, did I…oversleep again?" Maria grumbled, before yawning loudly and slowly getting off the couch

"Oh good. Maria's up finally." Stark replied, hastily cleaning up the Doritos crumbs on Maria's desk before Sif made the crumbs vanish

"Thanks." Stark replied as Sif did a curtsy as Maria walked over

"Stark…What exactly happened while I was asleep?" Maria asked, puzzled by the events

"Tell you what: Let's keep that our 'little' secret, ok?" Cap asked sheepishly, noticing Fury and Selvig slouched on the bridge chairs, drunk from the Guinness beer

"What happened to *them*?" Maria asked incredulously

"Let's just say the two, um 'expressed' themselves with the stuff from Bucky's fridge." Cap answered

"HEY! WHO DRANK ALL MY GUINNESS?!" Bucky's voice hollered as Maria put the facts together then realized the possibilities

"They didn't…" Maria stammered

"Oh they *did*, all right. They're completely out of commission, now that all that booze has clogged up their brains." Quicksilver snorted as Bucky entered, irate and with a crazed look

"Whodunnit? Who gone and done it and took me lucky charms?" Bucky giggled maniacally as Cap, Thor and several SHIELD agents tried to restrain him

"Grab him! Grab him!" Selvig barked, hopping madly due to his feet tied in duct tape and Coulson chasing after Selvig, duct tape over his mouth

"Mmmmmrrgh!" Coulson mumbled, duct tape glued over his mouth

"I'm going back to bed. Wake me when everyone's sane again." Maria grumbled, waving her hands in the air as she headed back to her comfy couch


	3. Chapter 3

**The Asgardians Must be Crazy**

"Let me get this straight: You think the Asgardians have placed a humungous treasure hidden somewhere in the Helicarrier?" Maria asked in amazement

"Quite likely. Loki and I were very fond of searching for buried treasure back on Asgard." Thor reminisced, with a far-off look on his face

"So where did they hide it?" Maria asked curiously

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise." Thor answered slyly as Maria burst out laughing in amusement

"Hey, uh Thor, um, can you do me a favor?" Banner asked, having entered the bridge with Stark and Black Widow

"What's the task?" Thor asked curiously as Banner explained

"Sif has apparently came down with insomnia…again. Third time in a row this week." Stark answered for Banner as Thor and Maria observed

"Hmmm…as I recall, Frigga had a special cure for insomnia. All you have to do is sprinkle mistletoe and water over the insomniac, and wait for several seconds, then the insomnia will wear off, and the victim shall regain control of slumber." Thor concluded his statement as Maria and Stark ransacked the drawers for the ingredients required

"Where's the mistletoe? I had it right here when Pepper visited last week!" Stark ranted, scrambling like crazy

"A-ha! Found it!" Cap said, racing in with mistletoe and a flask of water, with his trademark goofy, proud look on his face

"Where the heck did you get it so quickly?" Maria asked

"Well…" Cap started before Bucky's hollering echoed through the cabins

"WHO RANSACKED MY MOBILE GARDEN?! STEEEVE!" Bucky screamed, charging at the group, foaming at the mouth wildly, laughing like a madman

"Oh hang on! Forgot I had this out!" Hawkeye gasped, removing his bow as Bucky stumbled and toppled over Maria and Thor

"Oof. I fell on my keys." Maria grunted before heaving an incoherent Bucky off her stomach before helping Thor up, all before something shiny caught her eye

"What? You see something?" Cap asked curiously before Maria grabbed it and to everyone's surprise-in her hand was a rare piece of Asgard gold

"The treasure! You finally uncovered it!" Sif gasped, astonished by how quickly the discovery transpired

"There's more here! Rubies, diamonds, emeralds, gems, ooh-even some crystals!" Hawkeye blubbered in joy as he and several SHIELD agents helped uncover the loot

"The mother lode!" Stark boasted, arms spread out for emphasis

"Ugh…little white prancing bunnies…" Maria mumbled before collapsing again on Stark this time

"Ok! Who's the wise guy that got Hill with the sleep dart?!" Cap barked as several SHIELD agents tried to keep a straight face

"Ugh…not *again*." Thor grumbled as he and Banner dragged Maria to the exam room yet again

Later…

"Well this is boring." Hawkeye noted

"Yeah, if only something crazy were to happen. I *said* if only…" Hawkeye rambled before Fury announced "Cut!"

End scene


End file.
